I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
