Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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