My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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