You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
