Need sex. Gaining weight.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
