At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
