Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
