Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
