Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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