When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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