is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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