1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
