who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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