We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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