I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
