What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize