I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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