Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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