so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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