All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
