I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Never underestimate the power of titties
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
