I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We need to get me chipped asap
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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