kristin has been a bad kristin
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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