I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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