Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
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I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
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My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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