they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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