Me. At least after what I've been through.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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