Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
