A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
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Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
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Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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