I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
