The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
