from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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