a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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