you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
