she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
