I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
