I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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