he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
