At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
