Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
