I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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