I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
