LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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