Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
