I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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