Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize