You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
