you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
