In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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