Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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