I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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