listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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