i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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