[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize