its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep