I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
