I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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