I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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