Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
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Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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