Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
