I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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