I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
His hands were made for my vagina.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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