Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
